While You Wait

If there is anyone who rushes through life and tries to speed past hardship or uncomfortable situations, it is me. If I can prevent certain unfavorable outcomes, I will. If I can circumvent certain confrontations, I do. Don’t get me wrong, I can "turn up" when I have to (lol). I definitely professionally confront people who try to start altercations on the job, and if I must, I do speak up when the cashier tries to cheat me for my change at the store (haha). Overall, I just love peace so I try to stay out of drama and away from crazy situations that are of no benefit to my life. 

Being this way, I rush and am often impatient waiting for things. I like to try to skip past waiting periods, obstacles, and hardships in an effort to get to an overall sense of peace about whatever is conflicting me.  I am one of those people whose parents as a child, would say to me, “Gab, in two weeks I am going to buy you a new phone or in a year you will get a new car...", and then ten years later I get that promised gift or I finally buy it myself because they take so long. (haha) So, I am going to blame them for my impatience, because to me if I don’t see what I ask for in a certain amount of time, I feel as though I’ll never get it. #spoiled

I am extreme with my impatience sometimes. My thoughts go from, “What if I wait and then I don’t want what I wanted so badly anymore?” or “What if God calls me home and I never experience this or that?” I mean come on, I seriously over-analyze and over-think everything. This is a bad habit that can cause stress and anxiety. Therefore, to my close friends, they think I am such a hippie because I act very lackadaisical about so many things when really I am trying to find new ways to be stress free. I outwardly attempt to go with the flow and practice trusting God. So in appearance and in my speech, I have trained myself to say it’s all good or all is well no matter what I am going through, in a successful attempt to trump my anxiety over things that are not going my way or completed in my timing. Honestly, it works because when I relinquish my stress to God and rest in his word, all my issues get solved! He has perfect timing and great resolutions. So, I like being 'hippie-ish' it is quite freeing! ;)

Although I am a little better with my impatience, I still have a little ways to go with this issue. So I want to pose this question to you. What do you do while you are waiting? Do you let your blood pressure rise and pull your hair out until it is resolved? Have you taught yourself how to cope instead of how to conquer? I sat and pondered these questions evaluating myself so that I could grow. I came to a few realizations that can carry over to helping us wait for our next career move, new car, relationship, marriage, graduation and whatever we have to wait for in this life.

1.       Find contentment: You will never be happy if you don’t find a sense of peace exactly where you are. Strive for better and don’t settle if you KNOW you can accomplish more for yourself, but be grateful for the lessons you are learning in your now moments. Be content in the small things so that your character is upheld when you reach larger success. You should want to reach your success with such gratitude that you won’t be able to puff with pride. You will beam with appreciation.

2.       Seek God first: Don’t hesitate to pray for guidance. He says in his word if you follow him, not only will you have a prosperous life, but you will see the desires of your heart unfold. How can he show you his plan if you ask everyone else what you should do next instead of him?

3.       Make a plan and take steps: After you’ve prayed, God will give you a sense of direction. Make a plan of action and while you are waiting for whatever it is you are waiting for, you can get the ball rolling on completing whatever it is as he opens doors for you.

4.       Put yourself in position: Great things happen to those who practice and prepare. If you met the person who could make all your dreams come true today, whether it's business wise or a lifelong partner, would you be ready? Would they be impressed by your skill and professionalism? I am not saying you should be perfect or at your “arrived “ state, but you should definitely be somewhat knowledgeable about how they can get you to the next level.

Lastly, while you wait enjoy your journey. I literally try to make every moment, even the hard ones, enjoyable because we have one life on this side of heaven to live. Every part of our journey can be valuable if we let it push us to greater and not break us. When I look back on my life in my old age, I want to say I lived wonderfully. I don’t want to say I barely made it through. I want to say I had so much faith in God and he did so many miraculous things in my life making others want to follow him. I don’t want my life to be lived in vain….do you?

Enjoy your wait…for whatever it is you’re waiting for. 

Love,

Gab

Give These Men a Break

There are plenty of great men out there.  I think I am friends with a few of them. They are hard working, driven, growing in their relationships with the Lord, love their mamas, and take care of their friends. Now, I didn't say they were great to date (hahaha) but they are good men. The reason I am differentiating them being good men from being good companions is because I believe most of them have great potential, but aren't ready to become someone's husband. This is because they are young and ambitious, but have not began to practice the habits of settling down. 

Men need to experience life before they settle down because most of them have a one-track mind. Tunnel vision is so real and we all know most guys simply can not multi-task. This means they can't fathom pursuing their career and a woman at the same time. (I've been told this by a guy before when I inquired about his disinterest in committing) Along with this, men are natural born providers. They like to build themselves up to a place where they can provide, and if they don't feel accomplished to a certain extent that they are comfortable with, it's sometimes difficult to add a woman to that situation. 

You may be thinking what about those couples that meet and grow together? They are awesome examples of people who are ready and willing. Yet, the key here is that a man WILL NOT settle down until he's ready. He has to be in a place where he is so in love, it is worth him giving up ALL other options and submitting to a life where he can no longer just think about himself, but he must think about another person and their future family too.

Now, some guys agree with my sentiments, and others would disagree and say they only keep searching until they have found "the one". They argue that there is no right time, it's just about meeting the right person. True, but I'm a firm believer in timing. My dad told me when he was younger, he didn't think he would ever get married. Now being married 25 years and counting, he told me he knows meeting my mom was a Godly thing. He didn't see many godly marriages when he was growing up, but when the lord showed him my mom that one day in church, he said he thought to himself, "that's going to be my wife!" He knew the lord would keep them together, since it was him the brought them together. He said it was great timing because he was secure in  his relationship with the lord. He had established himself in his career and was ready to start the next phase of his life, which was family.

You may think you're the perfect woman or man for someone, but if they are not in the place in their life where it's time to take that leap...let him or her go! It's probably not the time and you may not be their fit. Why do we see guys leave a girl and then less than a year later engaged to someone else? He found the one and he was finally ready! A real man does not let what he really wants pass him by! They are going to get and have what they choose. So if you are not being pursued, your best bet is that he doesn't want you. They are resilient. That is why we see men out here pursuing the same woman for years even when she turns him down. They have the capacity to work until they get what they want, knowing if they make the girl tired of them asking for a date, she may just falter and give them a chance. These are the best stories because the woman gets an amazing guy she never thought she'd even want, and the guy gets the woman of his dreams.

In closing, ladies give these men a break! Better yourself, pursue your passions, seek the lord and live your life! Stop worrying all the time about relationships and situations with men that are out of your control! Wait on God for your mate. Men keep growing, learning and maturing. Know that we haven't given up on you, you are amazing that's why we ladies can't get enough of you! You have the ability to be great husbands, fathers, and friends, but it's all up to you. Start stepping up when you know you need to. Be the role model you didn't see! Be a better role model than the ones you did see! The world is waiting on you to stand up. Seek the lord he will give you all the direction you need.

Love you ,
Gab

Don't Listen to Your "Homegirls"

I was talking to a group of ladies and in the midst of my yapping away about a situation, one friend yelled out, "Girl that couldn't have been me!" I paused and thought to myself girl...what do you mean that couldn't have been you? Its been you time and time again in even worse situations!

Don't we all have that one friend who gives out all this crazy advice but never listens? That one friend that's always single, tells you what not to put up with in your relationships, but never seems to have a man or help you get and keep a man. 

Guys say over and over again to their ladies, "Keep your home girls out of our business." I am literally in tears laughing at this one time I was dating a guy and we got into a small argument right before I was leaving his house. After I won (hahaha) and he complied with my request, he said ,"I know you're about to go out to eat with your girls, so don't go tell them what happened making it seem like I'm a bad guy." I lied and said, "of course not this is our relationship," and spilled every detail to my girls as soon I got in our booth at the restaurant. 

Ladies, we love to talk to our girls about what's going on. We look for clarity, support, and safety among our friends. Our girls help us kick him to the curb when he's doing us wrong or tell us to do better if the guy you have is a good one. I beg my friends to stay with their guys if I know he has a good heart. I warn them that it's hard out here, so don't be silly. But I'm also the first one to help you make him miserable if he's a dog..it all depends on the circumstance :)

Anyway, the point I am trying to make is... LADIES share what you need to share, but practice keeping some things to yourself. In a marriage, EVERYONE should not be included in your relationship. You want to practice these good habits now. Have you seen the pyramid diagram of godly relationships? At the bottom corners it's you on the left and the guy on the right. The top point is Christ. Christ has to be the center, the focus, and the goal. In this day and age the devil is destroying families, and we need to find ways to make them last! God has to be the source.

You know why I write these blogs? I am heart broken over my generations terrible ideologies on love, family, and marriage. Some of us have got to do it better than those before us, but we can't do that if we don't think differently than they did! I hate seeing failed relationships turn people bitter and their heart cold. One day I will meet the man I am suppose to marry. I write these blogs so that I can talk about ways I am preparing myself right now to make his married life better than he could ever imagine, because I definitely expect him to do the same for me. But it takes two!

Therefore ladies... YES, even me ..sometimes we need to SHUT-UP and keep things just between ourselves and our lover. DRAMA always starts from outside sources tampering with the inner workings. ALL I need is my holy ghost to make me aware of issues, and then build trust with my partner. So that if I bring up a situation that concerns me, I can trust him to answer truthfully and then leave it alone. It is not healthy to NEVER be able to trust your man. That is a pointless relationship. Choose someone you can rely on, grow with, and depend on. If they carry these qualities, you BETTER hold the same.

Alright the rant is over. Love you all who read.

Gabs xoxo

I love You Nice Guys, but Nice Guys Finish Last…?

One of my guy friends walked up to me and said, “You look suspicious!” He proceeded to call me a “Fed” and I laughed. He thought because I was hanging with the guys, I was taking mental notes on who was creeping with who, etc. just to report it all back to the girls. I had pretty much spent most of my Alma Mater's homecoming weekend with the fellas. I only did that because I always have the best time with them, they look out for me, and it’s no drama. I was definitely not there to be a snitch, but I will say I collected quite a bit of great CONVERSATION material over the weekend for my blog. THANKS BOYS! :)

One conversation really caught me by surprise. I was made privy to a phenomena unheard of in female conversation. This phenomena was that if they (good men) attempt to behave like a good guy, not pressuring ladies for sex, not running game or playing you… that we ladies don’t know how to appreciate it. One guy went even further and said “I don’t have the juice anymore now that I’m choosing to be nice.” He then described how when he was acting up, his phone was blowing up as if women anticipated “doggish" ways and desired it. He spoke about how now that he is not looking for sex but a serious monogamous type of relationship, women are literally running away from him. GEEZ. As many times as I’ve heard women say they can’t find a good man, I just couldn’t believe that some guys feels as though we encourage their bad behavior and accept it. LADIES DO BETTER! Ladies, who accept bad behavior and seek to be treated terribly because they love the drama, mess it up for the good girls waiting for a good guy. Even with this happening, GOOD GUYS DON’T GIVE UP ON BEING NICE! YOUR PATIENCE WILL GET YOU A TREASURE OF A WOMAN WHO WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE EXCEPTIONAL. My man will be so spoiled when he wife’s me up. I can’t wait to treat him like the king he is.

Now, maybe some men put us women through so much that when we meet a nice guy we don’t know how to act, but this can’t be the norm!? Right ladies? Do we do this often? Do we really run good men away based on bringing up our old baggage, in an attempt to protect our heart from being hurt again? I kept arguing with the guys that we hate getting our heart broken. We hate when males don’t grow out of their love for bachelor life and desire to juggle multiple women. We don’t like feeling that itch to check your phones or fight over silly stuff. If you know you have a good man treat him well! If he does not, cut the crap. Women, we’ve got to learn to love ourselves enough to desire good treatment, expect it, and move on from guys who don’t give the respect you deserve. Don’t stay in a relationship where you are treated terribly and then hate all men after you chose to stay in a sour relationship because you thought you loved him or because he could “put it down".

Lastly, GOOD GUYS…YOU JUST MIGHT “finish last”, but what if the last man’s reward is the greater prize.  Your crew might talk about you and your ego might not be boosted when you’re not out there acting a fool, but so what. I’m sure God is up there smiling at you and he will bless you for it. Think about your future daughters too. Treat women like you want men to treat you mom or future daughter. We are such an impatient generation. Who cares if you have to be the only one in your crew doing right? DO RIGHT ANYWAY. Who cares if everyone else is bae’d up? Singlehood is great if you make it that way. BUILD YOUR EMPIRE. I love being single because I choose to be. I will love being a relationship because I will choose to be. I won’t settle just because my generation is. I will wait and have what’s mine, at the right time. What about you?!

Love you MR. NICE GUYS… This one was for you!

GAB