Why The One You Love Doesn't Love You Back

I am going to go ahead and say I am not an expert in this area. I can't pinpoint for you why the person you love doesn't love you back because there are a plethora of reasons why relationships don't go the way we intend. What I CAN do is talk about relationships where the love was mutual. This can help inadvertently enlighten us to why sometimes love is unrequited.

My mom and I were talking in the kitchen and she says, "Gab I wouldn't want to marry anyone else but your dad. He was perfect for me and one day you'll meet the one for you and he will blow your mind." I have heard the stories where she told me this one guy wanted to marry her but she did not want him, or where she thought a guy was the one but in the end, he was not. All of those experiences led her to the one that truly was for her, my dad. I can't help but laugh at these stories. I asked my dad ," How did you know mom was the one?" He said, "I saw her at church one day and I had this feeling like she was going to be my wife." *HAHAH it was love at first sight.. huh dad* Anyway, they both share similar encounters where this little voice inside *HolySpirit* spoke to them about the other and they eventually started dating. Five kids later and 25 years in... they are still best friends and in love.

OK, so for the rest of us fabulous people who are not living that "fairytale" lifestyle yet, why don't the ones we love, love us back and vice versa?

1. They are most likely not the one.

I am going to be a little transparent and I hope no one is offended, but I still have gentlemen attempt to date me who I have clearly told that I didn't want a relationship. They fell in love with some aspect of me, but I had absolutely no connection, attraction, or desire to be with them. Many women experience this. We date someone because at one point we had an interest. But when that interest died, you were ready to move on and they weren't. Let's be honest, it's because they are not the one and probably won't be.

If you care for a guy and he has made it clear he doesn't want a relationship, or he's stated he's not sure, YOU ARE JUST AN OPTION..walk away. You know you could probably be great for him, but if he cant appreciate you... MOVE ON, someone else will. When my mother met my dad , yes he was attracted to her beauty but even more so her godly spirit and goal driven demeanor. To this day, if my mom has a new bright idea for herself or the family, my dad trusts her godly instinct. He appreciates her passion to always have a task to fulfill and supports her 100%. He was the best match for her because his personality balances hers. My mom has such an artsy, creative, dramatic, outgoing personality (like me) and my dad is just SUPER chill. I think this is a great example of not worrying about the dating relationships that didn't work out. Prepare yourself for the ONE RELATIONSHIP with your future spouse that will.

2. It's not the right time.

 Now, we've heard those stories where a guy likes a girl and after years of goading, convincing, and pestering her she finally falls in love and they get married. :) This does happen but what you have to realize is that even if they did not start on the same page, they eventually ended on the same page. The girl finally caved in and loved the man back who had loved her all along, it just took time. Time for her to grow, mature, get fed up with the losers, and marry the right one. Sometimes it can be the guy who doesn't see the great girl who loves him, but then he realizes he can't be a bachelor forever, turns around, and sweeps her off her feet. What I need you to do is know the difference. Don't settle if your gut is telling you HE IS NOT THE ONE! Don't wait around for the one who doesn't care about you if there is someone who does. Sometimes love is a choice, not simply a feeling. I'm not saying make yourself love someone to get over the one you can't have. I'm just saying think, pray, and be wise about it all. Don't beg someone who doesn't want you to stay. Then you won't get the love you deserve! If you think your scenario is like the earlier examples I shared, where you both just need time before you get it right... then wait. Let that person grow apart from you. Don't wait too long and be sure you know when to let someone go.

3.You're being unrealistic.

This is like having a celebrity crush. It is loving someone who you know good and well will never be the one. Stay out of the clouds people. Don't let the media, society, and fairytale culture keep you from dating realistically. *example* If you have a great guy friend who treats you like a queen but you're in love with your married boss, KICK THE BOSS TO THE CURB and get with the single great guy friend. DUHHH... We live life on earth. Not on the set of a stupid and unrealistic love film. It's that simple.

Also, enjoy being single if that's the stage you are in right now life. I AM HAVING A BLAST. One day I will be happily consumed with a spouse, but today I only really have to focus on my personal goals and dreams. And that is cool with me. I don't have to check in with any significant other, I don't have to worry about both of our careers, I can be selfish with my weekends and spend it with my girls. One day it won't be like this and I will be grateful then like I am now. I am just saying try to enjoy every season of life. Enjoy where you are now, in this present moment!!

Lastly, if you let God guide your life you won't miss what he has for you. Even if you think you missed it, he works everything out for the better, for those who love him, and are called according to his purpose. Trust him. Don't fear being alone. He answers prayers and cares even about the little things you think are insignificant. So why wouldn't he care about your love life? 1 Peter 5:7 says "Cast all your anxiety's on him for he cares for you".

Do just that, place it on him because life's issues can be a lot to carry!

Love YOU,
Gabs

Why He Broke Your Heart

I remember telling a guy that I really liked, right before I stopped dating him, "I've never had my heart broken and you wont be the first". The truth is...I have had my heart broken before, but the severity of losing some one I cared for was never that bad due to Gods help in protecting my heart (Proverb 4:23). I took each relationship in stride and only gave a little of my heart at a time. For example, I knew it was important to keep some secrets to myself because secrets make you closer with someone, and everyone really doesn't deserve to be that close to me. Some people won't take care of your heart like you know it should be taken care of, so don't dive in emotionally so soon. Treasures never lay above ground waiting for you to spot them, they have to be dug out from deep within the earth. Your heart should be a treasure, only those who spend the time and effort should be able to reach it. I'm not talking about playing hard to get, I'm talking about being adamant about protecting your heart. Choose wisely who you give your heart to. Unfortunately, that is something people don't think enough about doing.

For those who have unfortunately been deeply heart broken, I feel for you. The pains in your chest, the lack of desire to eat, the sadness, and loneliness is all TEMPORARY. What's crazy is thinking that you'll never get over that person, because it is so untrue. You can definitely move on. If you don't torture yourself with what if's, scroll through old pics, and continuously bring that old flame up in conversation, you can get over it. I love the quotes that say," if it was meant to be it will be" and "don't worry about what could've and should've happened, because if it was meant to happen it would've." They are so true. As a believer, if you trust God to write your love story, then he will make sure you meet the right man at the right time and vice versa. When I look at friends I have consoled over the years who dealt with heart break, the hardest thing to get over is the memories. It's driving around town and seeing all of the places you used to go to and hearing a song and it reminding you of a time you both shared together, enjoying it. What is wild is the effect these memories have on the body. They can change your mood completely, if you let them. 

Stay away from questioning as well. The biggest question we ask ourselves when we are heartbroken is why. We ask why they left, why we had to leave, why couldn't we have worked it out, and the greatest question of all...why did this happen to me? Really, these why's are a waste of time if you know deep down inside it was a losing situation that should've ended. If you know you are the reason it ended (cheating, selfishness, etc.), then learn from your mistakes, apologize if you feel led to, and take strides to move on. Beyond being sad after a break up, I often feel a sense of peace. It's like a great exhale. Ahhh it's over. Finally. I don't have to fight this war I was having inward anymore or outward with the person i'm having issues with. If someone broke your heart, stay out of your own head and enter into the mindset that God will work it all out for you.

Ladies, know your worth. Don't ever let a man make you feel less than. You are a daughter of a King, deeply loved by God, and worth someone treating you right. STOP ACCEPTING LESS FROM THESE FELLAS BECAUSE YOU WANT SOMEBODY.  REALLY, MEN ONLY GO AS FAR AS YOU ALLOW.  SO EXPECT MORE FROM THOSE YOU DATE, HAVE STANDARDS!

Men who are reading, who you know how to treat a woman and you haven't found the right one yet, don't worry we are getting ourselves together. *wink* I'm bringing up this conversation so that we can all treat each other better in relationships! We are forgetting how to love and acting so selfishly and hurtful to one another. While I encourage my sisters to grow and think differently about dating, you fellas should go ahead and do the same.  Grow, push yourselves to be an example for the men that will eventually date your daughters! We'd greatly appreciate it:)

With Love,
Gabs

How Many Times I've Fell In Love

The first boy I fell in love with... ok, was infatuated with, was a basketball player from my rival high school. He was everything I did NOT need, and because my parents asked me not to date, I honored them and left the boy I couldn't help but swoon over alone. Eventually, I realized he was involved in a life I had no business partaking in. This bad boy basketball player was young and  lived pretty reckless. I was blinded by how cool I thought he was, but listening to my parents protected me from a heart ache, unplanned pregnancy, and unnecessary baggage. #grateful

The second boy I fell in love with... well, liked a whole bunch, was a guy I met my freshman year of college. He was cute, tall, drove a nice car, and took me out on nice dates.  So, I spent most of my time with him. Over time, we developed great feelings for each other. But like most young dating experiences, we did not work out because we didn't communicate what we wanted out of the relationship. I wanted a caring boyfriend and he wanted someone “easy” (if you know what I mean), and that lifestyle was definitely not me. So we ended our “situationship”. I call it that because we had a situation going on, we dated for a while and treated each other like boyfriend/girlfriend, but never placed titles on what we had. #POINTLESS #smh :)

The third boy I fell in love with hmmm..let me rephrase that, cared for deeply, was a guy I met my junior year of college. He was the son of a local preacher, intelligent, and extremely handsome. I thought we were a match made in heaven. Yet, we were not compatible at all. We clashed all of the time. He wasn’t that nice, was a little self absorbed, and did not want to seek God the way I wanted to seek God. Let me explain...when I say he didn’t seek God the way I wanted; he was a Christian, sat in a church every Sunday but did not want to grow. He thought he had it all figured out, but lacked compassion. He was not interested in godly conversation and called me super holy because I actually wanted to live out what the bible says. I wanted God to lead our relationship, not the flesh. I said "bye buddy" to him after I understood it would never work if we weren't both on the same page spiritually.

Now, how many times did I think I was in love? *laughing right now* After having shared those little snippets from my amazing love life (lol) I want to talk about what remained a saving grace for me in these situations and others.  My saving grace was listening to godly wisdom and  letting every guy I dated know I was saving myself for marriage.  THIS SAVED ME FROM SO MUCH TROUBLE.  I was able to clearly see each relationship for what it was without tangling myself in unnecessary emotions! I was not clouded and it was easy to detach myself from a relationship that was headed toward demise. 

 TRUE LOVE WAITS. I know that phrase is cliché but it is true. A man who really loves you and cares for you will care about the things you care about and will desire to uphold you ..and vice versa. That is if this is your desire..to wait. He will want to take care of your heart and will understand the best way to love you is to become your friend first.  A godly man will desire to guide and help hold you accountable in your Christian walk, not to make you stray. Abstinence was and still is the best decision I've ever made because it protects me. I was able to walk away without severe damage to my heart because I kept what God intended for marriage to myself. I did not give my body to someone who was temporary and did not cloud my judgment of my situations because of sex. 

I feel whole after I leave and to be honest...quite dignified. I never feel like something is missing because I've found complete satisfaction in Christ. When God ask us to do something in the Bible, I have learned it is not to stop our fun or keep us from enjoying life, it is actually to make our lives better. Remaining abstinent allowed me to see past the smooth talking, the nice cars, good looks, and stature. I was not clouded, soul-tied, overly emotional, or apprehensive to leave a guy who was not good for me because I was connected to God and tried to obey him. His voice leads us for a reason.

I AM NOT CONDEMNING ANYONE WHO HAS OR IS PARTAKING IN PREMARITAL SEX. I AM JUST LETTING YOU KNOW THE BENEFITS OF ABSTINENCE I HAVE SEEN IN MY LIFE, IN HOPES THAT IT WILL HELP YOU.

When we date,we give too much of ourselves and wonder why we are broken in the end. It's because we choose to date like the world says date, and that kind of dating is TRASH. If you're not one of the lucky people who meets their soul mate without kissing a bunch of frogs first, you're like most of every one else who participates in multiple dead-end relationships that actually do nothing but help you practice for divorce. We weren't meant to move in and out of relationships. It doesn't do anything but help us learn to leave. How do we learn to stay and work things out with the right one, if all we do is practice leaving "the wrong ones" all the time. That is why if you have read my post titled "Why I Hate Dating", I have chosen to change my perspective on dating. Every guy is a friend until I hear God say we can be more. So far, he hasn't opened my eyes to anyone so I am happily single. I can say I'm happy because when I do meet "the one", he wont have too many bags to unpack from my past because I saved my true love and affection for him.

IF you are practicing abstinence GO YOU..KEEP GOING..YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
IF you'd like to start it is not too late. First let God mend the broken places, if you feel you need healing, talk to God and let him know what you need from him. Then get into your word! Read his word everyday and let it wash/heal you. The holy spirit will guide you if you earnestly seek him. I like to say "Lord speak to me" and then I'm lead to read a scripture that will speak to the day. After I read, I write in a journal about what I learned, how I can apply it to my day, and write a prayer. 

After you run to the word, other ways you can start practicing abstinence is by not participating in conversations that lead your mind to wonder. Be careful about what you watch or read so that you aren't allowing certain images/thoughts lead you to temptation. Have an accountability partner that you can call on when you feel you might fail. Stay away from situations in which you know can lead you to stray away from staying abstinent. Lastly, DON'T STRESS ABOUT IT. Just focus on Christ love for you and his word and eventually it will become easier to trust him and remain true to your new course. Don't focus on what you're trying not to do, because that wont help! Focus on the freedom God provides, his peace, and how his holy spirit will help you do the right thing if you desire to do so.

Happy side note: My parents have been married for over 20 years now and so have most of their married friends. These are some of the values they held onto while dating and look at how successful their relationships are to this day!....ANYWAY,  HERE I GAB AGAIN...


Love you Lots! xo
Gab

 

Whats the Diff? Dating vs. Courting

I was told once by one of my guy friends that there is a significant difference between courting and dating, and everyone needs to understand that. I couldn't agree more. People are often hurt or disappointed when they do not receive the outcome they had hoped for in a relationship because they did not make their intentions clear or they did not understand the intentions of the person they were seeing. Therefore, it is important to know intentions before you are emotionally invested in any type of relationship. So, are y'all dating or courting?

What is dating?
Dating is spending time with someone and having fun. This can be done with multiple people. It is a sharing of time (and sometimes money lol) but no strings are really attached. It can be a chance to get to know someone or simply a time to have fun with a person who has captured your interest.

What is courting?
Courting is when dating becomes more than having fun. It's essentially dating with purpose. There is a goal in mind, and usually that goal is a long-term relationship or stable/monogamous relationship. It is ONE ON ONE. I'd even go as far as saying that in a deep courtship, you pretty much know you want this person around for a long time and are considering marriage.

Why is it important to know the difference?
When it comes to dating versus courting, you want to place proper expectations on each other. You can't require more than what someone is willing to offer, and vice versa. In scenarios where a young lady desires a relationship from a guy, participates in sexual intercourse and then is left upset and alone after he leaves, it is because they did not speak on what was the extent of their relationship. If he leaves, he never wanted something long-term and it was a mistake to indulge in actions that lead to further heartbreak. Many young adults are not really interested in forming serious relationships because they can only chase one thing at a time. Meaning if a young person is focused on achieving certain career goals that require most of their time and focus, then they will not have an easy time focusing on nurturing a relationship. Often for men, success and career goals have to be attained before they give up the bachelor card. Beyond material things, they just have to simply feel ready. Relationships can be a lot to handle as well. It is hard work and can be emotionally draining on both parties.

Why you should be patient?
Life is about growing and maturing. It is very important to evaluate where you are in life before you embark on a journey with someone else. Think of the opposite sex as more than tools to please emotional longings or great past-times when bored or lonely.

How to tell the difference?
Ladies...have you met family and friends? How much access to his phone do you have? Are you guys spending ample amount of time with one another indoor or outdoors? Is he engaged in conversation with you? Is the only way you communicate via text? The answers to these questions provide ample knowledge to where you stand. If you are unclear should you ask? Well, my male friends say it will not guarantee a true answer so your best bet is to open your eyes. Distance yourself from the Disney fairy-tale and see the relationship for what it's worth. A man knows whether he wants you around or not and his actions will prove it. If you are a priority and more than a fling, you won't be unsure. He will make it very clear.

Ladies the power is in your hands. Don't be mad at the guy if you see the signs and you choose not to act on it.  I am not saying the men should not be held accountable, but what I am saying is you have the ability to end something you see headed toward a demise. I have had to cut relationships off that I knew was heading no where. It is definitely not always easy but it is most definitely worth it.

Save yourself the heart ache by letting go before you are too invested in someone who is not as invested in you. If he wants you physically but is not interested in your spiritual well-being or mental well-being cut it off. If he makes a mistake and makes no effort to show you he desires to improve, cut it off. If he has no interest in simple things about you like how your day went, your interests, what you like and dislike, and doesn't desire to find ways to make you happy, it may show his lack of interest. You may want to re-evaluate his intentions with you.

While you're out here meeting people and making friends :) by dating, courting, etc... Ask yourself what is my purpose for texting this person, chilling, and going on dates?  Then ask yourself, what does this person want with me? Evaluate if you're on the same page so we have more positive interactions with the opposite sex rather than a bunch of bad situations and pointless interactions that end in heartbreak.

I'm going to close with this mind boggling tidbit... In addition to deciphering whether you are courting or dating... how about remaining abstinent while dating/courting. There are multiple reasons I choose to do so and firmly believe it is a saving grace. You will have to read about it later..

Let me know if this blog helps. Share your experiences, or simply share the post. Lets spark conversation!

P.S Thanks to one of my best guy friends, for helping me with the male perspective for this post!

Get to Gabbin'

XO,
Gabby

Pretty Mean Girls

So I have this bad habit of reading ALL of the gossip blogs at some point in my day, almost every day.  Like dads read the newspaper with their morning coffee (lol).. Somewhere after my morning devo, and after my green smoothie, I find myself planning my day and perusing the blogs. I honestly don’t understand the infatuation humans have with celebrity lives or why it’s such a lucrative business. For me, it is reminiscent of high school and being in everyone’s business but your own. I get enticed by the pictures, video clips, and the silly subject titles on the stories. I know it’s a waste of time and every time I read them my brain takes a nap from true stimulated thinking, but I can’t help it.

Although, this is a guilty pleasure of mine *Kanye shrug*, I also notice something I am actually saddened by.  In these blogs are the perpetuation of pitting women against each other. The comparisons of who looks/dress better or who has the most money/best mate. It is like an online "mean girls" clique. Now, I have been in a mean girl’s clique before, I cannot tell a lie. But one thing I never did was blatantly put down another woman or diminish her self-worth based on the clothes she wore, etc. I have always been sensitive to how I made other people feel and would not tear down another person based on their personal style, quirky character traits, or other unique qualities. My mean girl clique was mainly mean to the boys and sorry fellas but you probably deserved it. HA!

What I have realized through my avid blog reading is that there is a terrible perception of women being sold to blog readers and only we can change that perception. They sell the idea that there are tiers to beauty and only the most attractive, rich, and fashionable are at the top.  Now this is seemingly true and most often people categorized under these traits are placed on a pedestal. But should it really be accepted as truth? What is really beautiful? Who are we to judge on which of Gods creations is better than the other? How have beauty standards changed over time? (..this could go on forever)

Now, I know that there are celebs I enjoy looking at over others but I refuse to forget that people I am looking at and evaluating are humans too. They have feelings, families, cares, and worries that God cares about just the same. Now if we are comparing celebs so brutally, what are we doing to each other? How are our middle/high school students and college girls sizing each other up and putting each other down based on looks?! It is terrible. No one should feel ugly, or less wanted based on societal standards of beauty.

When I went “natural”, I remember a lot of women being upset I had cut my long hair for a short curly afro. I loved it. I had to fight the daily pressure to have my hair flowing like Beyoncé, because right now she is what many look to as the standard. I like Beyoncé as much as the next person, but I also felt beautiful with my short fro. Her long tresses are not the only style for women in the world! She even has a song "Pretty Hurts" about the pain women go through to be beautiful. Yet, other women constantly made me feel like I was crazy for my hair change. I wore my hair in the beautiful natural state for about a year and enjoyed it! I used my hair as a form of expression; grew it out, straightened it, added clips, and was even versatile with the color. All simply because like I change my outfits, I like to switch up my hair. IT ‘S MY PREROGATIVE. What I am hinting to is the fact that we place way too much pressure on each other about looks rather than inner beauty. Before I put on my makeup I do a heart check with God. If a pretty girl has an ugly heart, nasty personality, and a troubled/jealous soul, is she really beautiful? NO, NO, AND NO. What I am asking YOU the reader to do, is to rethink beauty and find something beautiful in each and every one. I am definitely not perfect in this area, but trust I have asked God to work on my heart. I’ve asked him to make sure that I am not looking at the world’s standards of beauty, but instead looking at the heart of man just like he does.

Luke 6:37

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;

Xo STAY BEAUTIFUL,

Gabby

Are You An Airhead

I walked into the job interview and the interviewer says tome, "I've researched and I see you do pageants, we don't want an airhead." I wanted to say "what seems to be very "ditzy" is the fact that you think pageant girls are airheads. " Actually, we're normally the top percent of our class in school and are probably more up to date on current events than anyone because we prep so intense for interviews. We dedicate ourselves to our work; spending countless hours toward community service, sacrificing fun with friends in order to practice, we give up our favorites foods in order to show the judges our dedication to fitness, sometimes even rearranging our lives in order to best prepare for a state/national title. My point is not to talk about pageant life, it is to talk about the reality/struggles of POST-GRAD LIFE. My journey being a post-graduate has been interesting, as you can see from that snippet of one of my recent job interviews. I am actually having a good time interviewing and learning about different companies and brands but there is that nagging feeling that I can't get rid of. Its impatience. I want to know where I will be officially starting my career, how I will get there, and those are things I can't really see at the moment.

I equate graduating college to this metaphor; College is like a cruise ship. You don't have to steer the ship, you just ride. You pick a major and the classes are pretty much picked for you. You have comforts and amenities such as on-campus housing, dining halls, free food events, work study jobs, lots of fun, and pretty much everything is handed to you. Well, when you graduate you get a piece of paper called a degree, or what I'd say is your own little canoe. Graduation day they kick you off the cruise ship into your canoe and now you are left to fend for yourself in the wide open sea. HUFF, my sea has been interesting to say the least. I have maps, plans, and goals made in my canoe but sometimes I miss the cruise ship and it's comforts. But, who really grows in their comfort zone?

Post-grad life is exciting. Its fun and different, but also can be a harsh reality. (With all the trouble in the world it's a harsh reality I do not mind dealing with. I am so very grateful to have had the opportunity to achieve a higher education...) After graduating from college, if you do not have internships and jobs already lined up,then you will be like me on a search. That search is quite weird. For me, it feels like a wide open sea and I have no clue which way I would like to paddle.  

I ask my compass, the holy spirit, daily to take me where he should lead and it provides me with solidarity. Yet, if you are like me and like a sense of control over things, this place can be uncomfortable. Maybe you have a job that you love, but there is a little nag inside of you telling you to step outside your comfort zone and start your own business. Or maybe you are in a difficult situation that you can't solve and you can't see the outcome. There is something all of us planners, controllers, and "impatients" (lol). We can P.R.E.P. 

P stands for practice. Practice or find ways to prepare for where you want to be in life. Research and plan but just don't sit and do nothing. 
R represents realizing you aren't in your situation alone, somebody else has been where you are and made it out alive, so keep going! 
E represents easy. Life will not be always be cupcakes and rainbows, but when you actively choose to find peace in God and his plans it can make waiting for the manifestation of your dream (job, car, house, husband..) a tad bit easier. 
The last P stands for prayer. I have to constantly commune with God. He is my best friends and knows me so well. 

Before I received my new car, we had a chat in my old car that still makes me laugh to this very day. I said, "Lord I'm grateful for this car but every time I get out of it I feel as though it doesn't represent us. I'm kind of stylish and this car is not so fab anymore. As your daughter I think we should upgrade my ride!  You see me lord, look at this old Thunderbird." I gave it to him and soon my new car came. God has a sense of humor (I love you Jesus), because the new car is a major upgrade but it also has an eccentric flavor to it. The person who sold it made some esthetic changes to the front of the car adding flames into the design (HAHAH). Therefore, it is now known as "the flame thrower". It is so unique, I am almost tempted to hold off on the paint job. Anyway, the point is that he heard me, he continues to hear me, and I am not really in the open sea alone. Neither are you.

Muah,
Gabby

Boast In the Lord

Today, I sat in church almost in a daze. I was thinking about later plans, text messages, yesterday’s events, shopping, job interviews, and I started to feel bad for thinking about all of those things and not placing all my focus on the service. I begin to quiet myself and still my mind when I heard the pastor begin his sermon by stating something along the lines of," things I need to leave behind". That was his opening statement  and those words oddly resonated with me. First of all, I needed to leave all of my busy thoughts outside so I could pay attention, but I began to think deeper about the statement he said. 

My mind drifted (again lol) to the day I was waiting for the bus in 5th grade and I had just finished a great morning devotional about what it means to truly live for God. As I waited for the bus, I remember hearing God tug on my heart strings asking me to really live out the word I was reading and walk into the destiny he had planned for my life. The trees were blowing and I noticed a calm all around me. I felt God and I couldn’t forget those precious moments he would share with me. I was the girl who felt obligated to share Christ with at least one kid a day often switching my bus seat in order to encounter a new soul to save. I was passionate and I understood the most important thing in life is our interactions with other humans and how we can give then a glimpse of Christ through our loving happenstances. I wasn’t a Christian simply because my sweetly saved parents led me to Christ (thanks mom and dad). They were FABULOUS examples, but I had also experienced him at an early age for myself in such a way I was changed forever. 

I was often treated unfairly by kids who could not understand why I desired to be different. I had to find strength in Christ’s word and his promises, and not in my own level of acceptance. In high school, being the Christian girl made me popular but I was not genuinely accepting of myself until I was completely satisfied in who God said I was without care of opinions. He lifted me up and did not keep me in a low place for long. I learned so much during the periods in my life when no one wanted to be my friend. The times I was made fun of and ostracized.

Anyway... when pastor talked about things we leave behind after we become saved, I took it further and wondered what had I left behind. Did I leave behind my childlike faith after I became an adult? Am I taking strides in the direction I told God I would as a kid? Or, what childhood dreams and aspirations had I forgotten about after getting intertwined into a life of planning a solid future that requires stifling dreams in order to make a solid living? I began to reminisce on the things I said I wanted out of life way back in the 5^th grade. As I talked to God during service, about making sure my childhood dreams came true and about him helping me with my relationship with him, he told me to hush and just BOAST IN HIM.  2^nd Corinthians 10:17 says, “Boast in the Lord.” This means that I should trust as I seek him...things that I need improvement on in my spiritual walk will be improved as I boast in him and not in myself (my flaws or even my accomplishments). 

As I choose to focus on his word (READ IT AND MEDITATE ON IT DAILY), it will chisel away areas that need to be fixed. I need to rest in his word knowing that it will cleanse and renew me. Secondly, boast in the lord that “he will grant [your] heart’s desire and hold back NOTHING [you] request (psalms 21:2). No he is not a magic genie granting every wish, but he is concerned about your wants and needs! As you grow in him, you'll adapt his heart and HIS desires will become yours as well. Things he has already willed for you to have or things he wants you to do will already be in the works. 

Therefore, he grants his own (your) heart's desires. This means my dreams are in his hands and he knows exactly what we need, when we need it, and he will supply. BOAST IN THE LORD! Tell God how good he is! I am getting joy right now in writing this, thinking about his goodness and graciousness even when we fail to see it! THANKS GOD. Today, take a moment to boast in God and stop thinking about you. Where you lack, he suffices. Where you fail, he wins. Where you are wrong, he is always right. So boast in the perfect God inside of YOU the believer and LIVE AN ABUNDANT LIFE (John 10:10)! SEE YOURSELF AS HE SEES YOU! YOU’RE A REFLECTION OF HIM!

Gabby XO

Little Miss Perfect

 What is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?

Psalms 8:4

At three years young, I sang my first solo “Silent Night” in the church Christmas musical, very loud and off key. It was SO bad, that I was not allowed to lead solos at church for a few years after my dreadful performance. By age seven, I was allowed to redeem myself and without fear belted every solo I was given with perfect pitch and passion. At age ten, I began to realize the pressure adults placed on people and children who are in the spotlight. That realization was like eating the fruit in the Garden of Eden for me. When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, sin entered humanity changing the course of human nature forever. Just as their eyes were opened to something they should have never understood (sin), my eyes were opened to FEAR, and I slowly began to lose the joy in singing. 

I forgot that it was really between me and God and focused too much of my attention on what people thought of me. I would get sweaty palms and become anxious when it was time to sing. I knew people expected me to sing well, and that pressure I placed on myself lead to extreme butterflies in my stomach. It was so bad, I can remember asking my dad how in the world did butterflies get in there!  I was convinced there had to really be bugs in my tummy bothering me...

As the years have gone by, I now no longer worry about the butterflies I get before a performance.  Instead, I have had to work through letting go of pressure.  Pressure placed on me by people and expectations that I should not have to hold on to. I know I am not alone in having struggled with allowing pressure or stress from people affect my life. I would like to share ways I have overcome this. I hope what I have found can help you too.

The first time I competed in the Miss Georgia Pageant I was extremely overwhelmed. I had no idea what I had involved myself with. I was so concerned with making sure I did everything right and when one little thing went wrong in my pageant prep, I would feel so defeated.  I had this theory called "almost perfect", which is what I've used as my formula to a pageant win. It is where you are so well rehearsed in the five phases of competition that when you compete, you're "almost perfect" therefore, solidifying your win. Of course, I am not really attempting to attain absolute perfection, and really the outcome is based on a combination of your well-practiced performance and the judge’s prerogative. Even if you are ‘perfect’ to yourself and audience members you may not be the flavor of Fanta the judges desire that day. You could have just the right amount of sugar and carbonated water as the next; if you’re strawberry flavored and they want orange then God had it in mind for orange to take home the crown. Don’t get mad….(I DIGRESS) What I am implying is “almost perfect” was a mentality I carried from childhood. One I thought would always help me succeed and it wasn’t true. Though consistency is key, I learned winning isn’t everything and worrying about being perfect isn’t either. I really messed up when I had taken on the expectations of any and everyone my first trip to Miss Georgia. 

I headed to Columbus for Miss Georgia week in tears! I’m talking about I cried the whole two hours of travel. HAHA!  I had no faith that God would meet me there (HE DID IN AMAZING WAYS), and I was so worried I would fail everyone who invested in me. In the months leading to my first Miss Georgia Pageant, I had won four titles in a row. I had won three Miss Black and Gold titles a local, state and regional title, as well as the Miss Fulton County Pageant that qualified me to compete at Miss Georgia. I put so much pressure on myself. I literally had to stop on the very first day of competition and tell myself; “you know what Gab, go out there and just live in the moment.” I heard God in my spirit comforting me.. “Trust me and my plan. I brought you here so free yourself from the expectations of people and just live.” When I made that decision at the end of Miss Georgia week, I came home with a talent prelim-award, best interview award, and some CRAZY WONDERFUL MEMORIES WITH AMAZING YOUNG WOMEN. 

My second year was even better. I came home with a top ten placement, another talent win, and even more spiritual growth than the year before! It was because I dedicated my pageant prep to simply being the best I could be and complete rest in God and his plan. I did not worry about a single person, not even my parents. (They have to love me anyway lol) I made the choice to free myself from people by choosing to love them GENUINELY instead of trying to please them. Attempting to please is no good anyway. When we choose love, God will see the intent of the heart and allow all of those people you feel obligated to please to see your beautiful spirit and release you from the pressure to please. Whether you win or lose they will have felt you were a gift to have at least encountered. 

After I chose to love, I also found freedom in another concept. That concept is this; earth IS NOT MY HOME. One day I will be in heaven and the only thing that will matter is what I did for Christ. Therefore, it is my job to love him first, seek him first, and place him at the center of all I do. After all of those things are placed first everything else will fall into place at the right time. He will place you amongst the right people, and the right doors will open without you even trying to turn the handle. The creator is writing your story and it will be an amazing one if you let him lead! He doesn’t want us stressed with pleasing people and other created beings made from the dust and dirt (Gen 2:7). He wants us to be completely AT PEACE focusing on him. Fill yourself with his love so it flows to others. I hope this helps someone because I’m telling too much of my business in this post..HAHAHAH! HERE I GAB AGAIN!

W/LOVE,

Gab

What Women (Really, Me) Want

Today, someone asked me what I wanted in a man. Now, l have thought about this before you know... once upon a time, but not recently. I have grown a lot since the last time I thought about the answer to that question and have decided to share my thoughts with you. Mainly because I feel as though many of you will agree with my list. We know women are not fundamentally the same, but there are common themes, emotions, reactions to events, and stages in a woman's life  that we can almost ALL identify with. My list contains the most important things I look at when dating a man. The order might be prioritized differently for every lady reading, based on her upbringing and experiences, but I think it sums up what most women want. With that out of the way, let us begin!

As a 23 year old living in the year 2014 I would like a man who is :

1. Willing to Grow- For me, this means you truly care about your relationship with God and you are a constant seeker of his truth.  For others this could mean growing in maturity, growing in educational achievement or growing in the ways he shows love.  I look for growth spiritually because I want him to feel importance in reading his word.  This way I can rest assured that he will lead our relationship in the right direction. And if we are to get married, lead our household and cover our children. If he is in his word and willing to constantly grow, he will understand real love is 1^st Corinthians 13. This scripture tells us real love is expressed by being patient, kind ,not self –seeking, proud, or rude, and keeps no record of wrong-doing! This love is a fruit of a man filled with the spirit and pretty much sums up all I want from the man I date/marry. 

2.  Can I Wake Up to You-  I would like a man who is attractive. He doesn’t have to be super fit or a magazine model type of guy, but just someone I enjoy looking at. Honestly, beyond physical features, a man who is intelligent, sweet, and thoughtful is extremely attractive to me and I’m sure with those qualities, after marriage I would be very happy to wake up to a man like that every morning.

3.Protect/ Provide- Women in the last 100 years, have taken great strides in forcing society to look at us as equals with men and not a subjugated lesser version of a male.  I agree with the feminist movement that demands equal pay for women, harsher punishment for assault on women, and that pushes to eliminate ‘rape culture’, which hyper-sexualizes women and the female body. Now although I agree with the former statements, I also appreciate and respect gender roles in a relationship. As long as women are not told their place and forced into a role by society, I quite frankly love it. I appreciate a hard working man who has a desire to provide and protect his family. After I have achieved some accomplishment for myself and then one day birthed my husband’s children, I do not mind staying and tending  to our home while he brings home the bacon. As long as I always have the ability to CHOOSE whether I want to be a “stay at home mom” or a “working mom”.  

4. Lastly, He Must Be Thoughtful- This is huge to me because in one of my most hurtful previous relationships, I felt like I was not really a priority. A man who really cares about you wants to secure your time because that is most valuable. If you’re not a priority, in my mind, he does not appreciate or understand your true value. That is why I really appreciate a man who is thoughtful. He notices small changes and remembers things you told him because he just cares that much about you! It reminds me of the scripture that says "husbands love your wives like Christ loves the church". According  to scripture, Christ knows the littlest details, such as how many hairs are on your head, and even knows the exact number of tears we’ve shed. That is true thoughtfulness. I’m not asking for my man to know the exact number of hairs on my head (haha) YOU'RE NOT GOD, but I do want you to at least know my favorite color is EVERY SHADE OF PINK. You can at least buy me flowers because you know that I freaking adore them, or know that I love simple things like sparkly notebooks, scented candles, and chocolate chip cookies.

Men... if you’ve made it this far in the post.. we’re not that complicated. Just be willing to work with us. What is a world without the relationships between men and women? Let’s all attempt to better understand one another, be patient, and ultimately share Christs love, whether you end up marrying that person or not. When you start dating someone think about this; will that person grow in God with me or have to run to him for healing after we break up? Take responsibility for how you treat your partner, pay attention to how you're being treated, and if the other person doesn’t want to change... MOVE ON.. ANYWAY, I GAB..

LOVE,

GABBY

My First Day

“I am writing to all of you in Rome who are loved by God…” Romans 1:7

I  planned my first day of school outfit for weeks. I walked onto the bus oddly shy, but confident at the same time. I was sure I looked great in my outfit, but I was extremely intimidated by the older kids on the bus. As the bus picked up the last student and veered into the school bus lane, I was completely stunned. The kids outside running off the buses looked exactly like an episode of Degrassi.  How could my reality look like a TV show? I had never seen exact replicas of TV middle school stereotypes. There were the pretty cheerleaders hanging with the jocks. I noticed the nerd clique, the “emo” kids, band geeks, and cool kids. I wondered where I would fit in... but before I could even finish my thought, I took three steps off the bus and I toppled over my sneakers. 

PETRIFIED, I could not believe I fell. A nice 8^th grader grabbed my arm and said, "are you okay?" while others shook their head in shame. I thought to myself well at least no one laughed. I was so embarrassed. That day was simply a foreshadow of my entire school year.  Although I was clumsy and uncoordinated, one thing I remember never doubting was Gods love for me. In those middle school kids eyes, I was not the prettiest, smartest, or coolest but I knew to God I was everything. I woke up every morning and read my bible in order to remind myself to stay grounded in him. Seriously , I had to sit and almost have a pep talk directly from God before my school day. It was not because I feared bullies or even hated school, I actually loved it. I just simply learned at a young age the importance of taking God with you everywhere. Having him get you in the right frame of mind before the day begins is imperative to living at peace in a stressful world. 

When I was left out of conversations or party invites I never walked the halls in shame because I knew I had a father who loved me. YOU KNOW WHAT’S CRAZY about walking in the confidence the father gives?  People can’t help but to notice your inner strength. Slowly but surely everyone who talked about me or noticed I didn’t fit in embraced the light that I always emitted. Although it was difficult to not be a part of the in-crowd at first, I noticed the in-crowd eventually drew to me. By the time 8^th grade year rolled around, everyone in school knew who I was. They accepted me and I was no longer embarrassed when students yelled “Hey, Gospel Gabby!” in the hallway. (Hahaha) 

Those terms became terms of endearment. I was class president , had tons of friends, and many memories of sharing Christ love with people who at one time tried to overlook me. I love this scripture in Romans that describes the Gentiles or non-Jews being  loved by God.  It shows me that the good things God thinks about us, the everlasting love he constantly shares with us..can over flow and bless others. When we fully accept his absolute love for us it changes our lives and positively affects the lives of those around us. STOP looking down on yourself and where you see lack. Trust that when God looks at you his child and he sees favor. He sees his perfect son Jesus who covers and justifies us back to God. He sees beauty in you. So believe better of yourself, and the world will believe it too.

Love Love and more Love,

Gab

I Hate Dating

I hate dating. I hate it because the world is messed up in so many ways, and the one thing that can make this walk through life a little easier, love......is so tainted. I hate the media. It paints love and relationships in movies and tv shows as this illustrious experience filled with sex and romance but in reality, this is so far from the truth. Especially when you are trying to date Gods way, if there even is a "godly" way to date. Dating is so dumb.. I doubt God wants any part in it. (I am salty right now, yes.)

Anyway, I have tried to go about dating the way society says you should find a guy, and it's completely stupid. Let me tell you how people in their twenties date. You meet someone and exchange numbers, then extreme texting back and forth ensues. Eventually, you guys meet up to "chill". I have never liked the chilling aspect because that costs a guy nothing to sit and watch TV in his living room. So if you’re like me, then you go out on first dates. The first date is when you get to know each other on a friendly level, and then if you guys still like each other at the end of it (haha) the dating process begins. You slowly start allowing each other into each others lives.

Here is the problem. After a certain amount of time is invested, eventually someone falls for the other or both may fall, but then the next step of making a commitment to each other is so hard or unheard of to do. When you are attempting to date Gods way, if the other person does not feel the necessity to place God and SELF CONTROL in the center of the commitment, things can be difficult.  Commitment or being "boyfriend and girlfriend"  these days is often sealed with sex, if that was not already taking place beforehand. That is against Gods word because he asks us to save SEX FOR MARRIAGE. What I have watched happen in relationships that partake in pre-marital sex is this; if things don’t work out with that person, then the healing process is often longer once you have shared intimacy with one another. It is also harder to let go of someone who is wrong for you after sleeping with them because you can not think clearly. The decision making process is clouded by the intense emotions you have resulting from sex. There is also the possibility of comparing your future lover to your ex, and your body count increases. In this era, many confuse or correlate sex with love and it is so wrong to say that they are one in the same.

Lastly, those obvious hazards, such as the possibility of contracting an STD, or unplanned pregnancy with someone you have no intention on staying with, can happen when you have sex outside of a faithful marriage. It’s difficult to date for women like me because if you are living this “PURITY” thing out for real, then you can’t offer sex as seal for a possible relationship.  Then the guy usually breaks up with or begins to avoid the “good girl” who's waiting. I have often been the one to end things first, but it hurts just the same as if they cut you off first. Then the dating process starts all over again with a different person and the same issues.

Now, with that being said, I have decided to do something different. I have decided to do something I like to call " The Ministry of Finding a Mate". It is hilarious to me to coin my new plan as that, but I trust that it will be the best plan for where I am in life. I have a good feeling it could help others in a day and age where dating is so frivolously done. Dating has become a simple past time and not a respectable way to find a lifetime partner.  The ministry of finding a mate is simple, there are only two steps; be patient and pray. TOO EASY RIGHT?!  Well, it’s better than dating a bunch of people and feeling like you never win in the dating field.

BUILD YOUR BRAND, FIND A CAREER, TAKE UP A CAUSE, WORK ON YOU, SOLVE A WORLD ISSUE, while you patiently wait. When you look up from all of your work and see someone who is working just as passionate on their dreams on the other side, and you guys can assist each other in reaching goals..... TA DA! Become great friends and see if it buds into love. All I am asking is that we as millennials change the way we date. Let’s stop practicing divorce by jumping in and out of relationships and take time to enjoy the company of another human without breaking hearts. There are enough broken things in the world, let’s stop promoting something that produces more broken people. Dating is so stupid.

Song of Songs 3:5..Do not awaken love until its time

Love,


Gab