How to COMMUNICATE w/ your man

I consider myself  a master communicator, at least at this point in my life I feel as though I am pretty good at expressing myself. (probably too much... lol) Mainly because I love to talk, shoot I talk all the time. Yet, communicating in a relationship is different and it has definitely not always been easy for me. I was never quite comfortable until I fell in love and simply had to learn how to appropriately communicate. Its been a work in progress there has been much trial and error. Sometimes my boyfriends says I am still way too emotional when I  "cry" like a baby over "little things"  but oh well, my concerns are expressed. If I cry I care ...girls don't you agree we are only really emotional with the one who matters most. I'd rather share my feelings  then bottle them up.That is how people go crazy, when they hold stuff in.

When I'm not crying and in my "mature mode", I speak my mind remembering two things; how would I like someone to express their concerns to me and secondly, how does my man like for me to communicate with him?

You really have to learn your partner and be the best communicator you can be in order to help the relationship grow. You have to let your pride down often, compromise , and pick the right place and time to say things. I'm not stifling your free flow of speech, I'm just trying to express to you the importance of THINKING BEFORE YOU SPEAK , it can make a world of difference.

You see, I've always been strategic. I have to be. I learned at an early age if you want things a certain way you have to learn people, and the way they like to be asked to do things. If you know how to say things in the right tone, at the right moment in the right way, you can get a whole lot accomplished.

That is smart. This way of thinking is even more beneficial in a relationship. People, their emotions, feelings, wants , and desires are important. You're significant other should feel as though you place their concerns over your own and if that is reciprocated and they place your concern over theirs... what a lovely relationship.

SO HERES MY TIPS:

After making my annoying boyfriend who acted so dramatic as I made him sit and answer an array of questions as my test dummy for this post here is what I've gathered....

1. Men hate the phrase "We need to talk." They know something about to go down when you say this phrase and whatever it is your about to bring up they think it will be BS.

2. Talk while doing an activity together. Don't make communicating a chore, make it light and fun so there is comfortably there.

3. Choose the right time to talk. If its a sensitive matter don't be selfish and try to get it something off of your chest at the wrong time..possibly ruining someones day.

 4. Be polite. We all grow up differently but know the way , tone, or manner your partner likes to be spoken to and adhere to that. Love is compromise. Love is courteous. Love is caring and kind.

5. If your partner doesn't like to talk it doesn't mean they don't care, just communicate in a way they like to.

6. If your significant other doesn't like for their problems to be taken on as your own and they hate to share sensitive things, build trust. Building trust helps them open up.

7. Give space. Sometimes you don't need to talk. Maybe you can just enjoy each others company and space.

Lastly. let God lead in you in what to say and how to say. He is a God of love so think of this often in your speech. Especially think of this when you're mad.

Every relationship is different so these tips aren't rules just helpful hints I've practiced. I've seen a world of difference in my relationship. So, I hope this helps you.

Gabby

To the Man I Love

I was at a friends birthday party and a couple of our friends were talking about which one of my blogs was their favorite. They referred to an old blog titled, "Men Are the Best Things Walking Planet Earth." We laughed as they said that was the last good blog I wrote about men, That is so not true but I see where they're coming from. Most of my  blogs deal with how men wrongfully deal with women and my godly advice on how to get over being wronged. I rarely brag about the good men of the world who are faithful, dependable, and trustworthy. Today, I want to give kudos to the men that take care of their responsibilities, and who exemplify love. Now, lets keep it real, there is a large majority of women who complain about the lack of good men in the world and I cater to those women. Today, instead of giving you hope after heartbreak,I am giving you ladies and gents a different kind of hope. There are plenty of good men out there ladies, and men if you're reading and you know you're a good man keep up the good work! I notice you!

In my most recent dating experience, I've seen my pursuer have many of the qualities below. He has not been perfect, (what man is?) but he has a good heart that is definitely worth appreciating.So, I am not trying to paint you a Disney character dream guy with my list below, I am just pointing out the best qualities in good men. The men who we see put in the effort and consistency. My list consist of good qualities in men I've seen in various dating relationships, things friends and family have said they love about their men and the top qualities I think we all agree on make us fall in love with our guy.

Good men here is a list of  things we love about you:

• Strength
•  Hard work
• Consistency
• Spirituality 
• The way you pursue
• Faithfulness
• Humor
• Playfulness
• Resistance to growing up/youthfulness( lol)
•  Logic -you are a lot less emotional with your decision making which is a good balance for those of who are super emotional in relationships
•  Interesting hobbies ; sports, WWE, culinary, photography,gaming etc.
• Smell (cologne)
• The way you walk
• How you entertain your friends
• How your so into us
• Your love for our cooking

The reason I have such hope in men, is because  I have a good father. He is consistent , dependable, supportive, and loving. I can't remember a time he has let me down and this has provided me with a trust that really secured me as a woman. My dads good godly example and my understanding of what a loving father God is has shaped me and my view of men. His example was a guide for how I date and even a template for the types of men I surround myself around as friends. I expect a certain level of treatment and respect. Many of my male friends have qualities like my dad. They are great guys and even better men in my eyes because they spoil the heck out of me.  A good dad gave me a good optimistic perspective on men that leaves me hopeful and with a positive outlook. I haven't dated a bunch of losers so I am not tainted by a ton of poor experiences.  I trust God that no matter what society looks like, there is a good man who will marry me and he will be Gods best.   We need you GOOD men to stay the course and raise your sons to be good men like you!

If you are a good man "in the making", meaning you only have about two or three of the qualities on my list STEP UP BABY. You are aware of your weaknesses..  just make a decision to grow! If you didn't see good examples of godly men  and you're only teacher has been television or music REWIRE you're brain! Unless your role model is Bill Cosby on his family show, Barack Obama, or someone else outstanding with high morals, most of the male figures in popular media are not the best examples to model yourself after. You've got to surround yourself with upstanding men and read your word. The word of God and the men defined within its pages gives you the best model for being the man God desires you to be. The bible allows you to be strengthened with what you need to reach your full potential. You will be blessed and those around you will be blessed.

Men I speak these blessings over your life .. 

Ist Corinthians 16:13-14 Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.

Psalms 119:9-16

How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Blessed are you, O Lord; teach me your statutes! With my lips I declare all the rules of your mouth. ...

Psalms 112:1-10

Praise the Lord! Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in his commandments! His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever. Light dawns in the darkness for the upright; he is gracious, merciful, and righteous. It is well with the man who deals generously and lends; who conducts his affairs with justice. ...

Love You , Mean it!
Gabby


P.S hey boo <3

How to Love Yourself

My biggest issue with society today, well with women in society today is their lack of self-love and the extreme presence of low self-esteem. I get so mad when I am hanging with the guys and they say, “Yeah I did her wrong, but she will always come running when I call.” They make these statements about women they’ve dated, women they know they’ve got on a yoyo string. They throw these type of women away when they're done using them, then string them along right back into their arms when they get bored. When they find a girl more interesting, they throw them back into the sea of single-hood broken and bitter. These girls who are “yo-yoed” refuse to move on, declining to see the truth about the man their addicted to. We sit in with our friends, on reality TV, its in the music and its sickening to me! These women don’t love themselves enough to move on. No one told them when they were growing up how a man should treat them! No one told them they were beautiful and precious! Many never saw a healthy relationship so they settle. Why do we do that ladies? If we know a man is doing us wrong why do we stay? Why don’t we love ourselves enough to demand better?

Answer #1 Lack of self-worth

If you don’t know your worth you will sell yourself short in everything. On the job, in a relationship, with your dreams, you will never demand what you deserve from yourself or others if you have no understanding of what you’re worth. Yet, you won’t know your worth if you lack a relationship with God. The creator is the only one that can tell you how valuable you are. Valuable enough to die for. When you read the scriptures the inspired word of God you learn how precious he sees you and his directions are for your benefit not for your oppression. Seek him and in essence you will be seeking your true self. How powerful is that? You’ll find out you’re a force to be reckoned with through Christ strength!

Answer #2 Impatience

We all know anything worth having is worth working and waiting for. Remember when we were kids and we couldn’t wait for dinner time? Our moms would say be patient it’s almost ready. When the meal was done it was so satisfying and you realize it was so worth the wait. I like to look at dating in this way. The best relationship is not quick and easy like a frozen dinner, it’s the tasty slow cooked meal.

Answer #3 Fear

When we don’t love ourselves or don’t realize the fathers love for us, (which his perfect love CAST OUT FEAR… ) when we don’t rest in his love and we allow fear to consume us we make wrong decisions. We fear that we won’t ever find a love worth having, because we think we don’t deserve it. YOU DESERVE A GREAT LOVE. Welcome it to come to you! Don’t fear that what you have is all you’ll ever get. In my life the men who I cut off and try to come back, if I realize they aren’t worth a second chance I don't give them one. I don’t fear that they will be the last to pursue me. I trust that better is available and I will have it!

Answer #4 Follower

YOU ARE A DARN FOLLOWER. Your girls have boyfriends, everyone on TV has boyfriends, even your little sister has a man so you refuse to be the last one single. You settle so that you’re in the “in crowd” and not the third wheel anymore but the bad relationship you're staying in is killing you! This generation needs to learn to stand alone! I’m sick of people following fads to fit in. When I was younger I practiced being the odd ball because I never wanted to fall trap to peer pressure. I was made fun of and laughed at but the ones who laughed at me for being such a “pious”  Christian, inbox me for prayer today! They respect the fact that I never changed, I stood up for my faith and didn’t waiver even when it was hard.

MORAL OF THE STORY LOVE YOURSELF! REQUIRE MORE AND BETTER! Demand Respect!  How can someone else love you if you don't first love yourself?! Have a standard, DO NOT waiver. Listen to God. #theend



God loves you,
Gabby

Love is NOT enough

I was talking to my sister in the car and she said, girl in a relationship love aint enough. It seems like at this age Tina Turners song “Whats Love Got to Do With It”, means more than ever. Really is love between two people all it takes to make a relationship work? Many people would say no. Being in love is nice but without the work, being "in love" means nothing.   You know faith without works is dead.

How can you expect the fruit of love to grow if a relationship is never watered? I used to tell my boyfriend this all of the time. Just because we’re in love (emotionally attached) doesn't mean the work is over. As a woman there is a plethora of things I expect my man to do in order to make me feel loved because I am complicated. Haha! I know I am but I also understand that I am worth it and he’s got to realize that. The best things in life usually take work to get. Duh!  I also cant expect to be the only one receiving love I've got to do some work as well and actively love.

Have you ever picked a diamond off of a tree outside of your house? No they aren't as easy accessible or valuable as what you can pick off a tree outside of your house. You know what is easy to pick, everywhere? Leaves.  No one cares about leaves. Why? They are not rare or sparkly. We rake them, burn them, and can’t wait for them to all blow away in the spring. How do people search for diamonds? They tear up the earth looking for them. Millions of dollars are spent trying to excavate them out of the ground. People spend tons of money on them and there are jewelers who spend their life devoted to this profitable business.

My point is, be like the diamond. Have a standard that sets you apart from the rest. You are the prize. Its not enough for someone to love you they need to put in the work to get you and keep you. If they see the value in you they will do whatever it takes to get you and keep you around. Love yourself enough to demand that.

Let me break down what I mean when I say love isn't enough.

True love requires action.

Example number one; John 3:16 For God so Loved the world he GAVE his only sons..

Jesus sacrificed for love.

I Corinthians 13 describes the actions of love being patience, kindness, self control etc.

Love is NOT just a feeling.

Love takes time, effort, responsibility.
The bible even commands husbands to love their wives like Christ loved and died for the church. Whoa! My man should never complain when I ask for a bite of his food lol That's small, in comparison to the beautiful love Christ showed us.

SOooooo, if you love someone show it! If the one you love has a particular love language learn it. If you need more love express it, kindly.  I don’t care if you’ve never seen a healthy loving relationship or never practiced it before start today! Do the opposite of what you’ve seen if it was negative and make the choice to be better than the misconstrued depictions of love displayed in the media.

Gab

Grass Ain't Greener...

The other day I saw a meme that had the term "F$&@ Boy" and photo of a guy that looked like he was a mothers worst nightmare. Under the picture the person detailed all of the qualities in the type of male that qualified to be this derogatory term. Girls were commenting on the post talking about their experiences with these type of  guys. I was laughing because ladies, sometimes we literally allow the worst things to happen to us because of "love". We let men get away with bad behaviors because we want to be loved so bad or the situation is comfortable. The wrong guy will never love you the right way so why keep going back for a watered down, less than satisfactory type of love ? When a man shows you who he is believe him. That's such a bad habit to lower your standards in order to prevent loneliness or whatever else you may be feeling.

Before I dive in let me give ..Kudos to the men who are nothing like the meme. I even have some wonderful guy friends in my life who I know aren't this type of guy deep down inside. They have good hearts, are dependable and have great goals they're accomplishing.Yet, even they admit although they aren't bad guys, they've had thier moments of being terrible boyfriends and lovers. They blame it on poor examples in thier life , media, thier youth or immaturity. They informed me only God and growth changed them. The thing that stuck with me from these convos was that they knew they were wrong but kept treating women poorly because the women allowed them too. The grass ain't greener on the other side of patience ladies. Stepping over to the side of impatience, where love is rushed and based on emotion is pointless. You'll be left empty and unsatisfied. Men rise to the standard you set.

I thought to myself no man is perfect but how many times have I settled or allowed someone to treat me less than I deserve? I normally pride myself in being treated with high regards and spoiled too but not to the level that I obviously desired if I am still single. If I'm single my past relationship obviously have been subpar if they weren't worth staying in. So I thought about my last few dating experiences. Especially after all my "exes" hit me up in the same weekend seeing if they could reel me back in I suppose . It was so weird, the timing of it all but I legit asked myself could I go back to any of them ? .... NO. Logically I couldn't let myself go back knowing I needed more and deserved better, a better relationship at this point in thier lives they were incapable of giving. They were guys with good hearts , ok intentions but terrible effort. I'm not looking for lackluster lazy attempts. I was suddenly sad because men don't realize a good thing until it's gone but immediately after I sulked, my next emotion was happiness! I was happy I was no longer bondage to mediocre relationships. I was happy I was single and focused on my goals. I was relieved that I felt like I was obeying God by staying single until I felt him leading me to let the man whose just right for me, court me to marriage.

I share this to say. One,there's joy in singleness, God says it's a gift. Two, again, the grass ain't greener on the other side. Wait for pure unadulterated love.

It was not easy getting to this point. I had to slap myself back into reality and say girl, " your smart , beautiful, ....etc." Why would you settle or take less what you deserve. I looked around me and saw all of the unsatisfied women in the world who are stuck in relationships that weigh them down and don't thrive them. I promised myself that wouldn't be me.


I had to love myself more. I encourage you to do the same. I had  to honor God with my body by loving it enough to not give it fully to a man that's not my husband. I had to find patience the right man would come in a world that wants everything popcorn speed. I had to connect to the vine, talk to Jesus about my future and understand marriage is a gift from him that glorifies his kingdom. How dare I matchmake myself to someone he has for someone else. Isn't that like  practicing adultery?

Anyway..

Ladies get rid of the "Fboys" wait for the man after Gods heart that's for you.

One love and May his peace be with you !
Gab

It Goes Down..

Everyone was talking about her. She was the proclaimed virgin who seemed to have lied about her oath to wait until marriage to have sex. On radio stations and TV shows she told everyone she was a virgin then unexpectedly she is caught on social media with a huge pregnant belly!

I wasn't shocked. I follow her on social media and saw the subtle changes. I just knew this girl was pregnant. What alarmed me was the commentary left under her photos, that followed her announcement.
I saw how the rest of the world looked in disbelief and made negative judgements of her.
They said she was a liar , slut, embarrassment and hypocrite. Some supported her. They told her to live her life , and told her to be proud but most of the comments we quite nasty.

I sympathized. That could've been me. I proclaim my goal of waiting until marriage all up on my blog. I preach about it, tweet about it and Facebook it lol! Moms tell their daughters to look up to me. That's pressure.What if I fell in this area? Would the world rip me apart too? What if she had every intent to wait but fell in love and messed up. I'm not saying that's a grand excuse I'm saying sometimes it happens.

I was unbothered by this for two reasons; one , who cares I have my own life to look after 😂 Two, she's human and not perfect ! How many times do we Christians and non Christians say we won't so something and do it anyway? Maybe for her it was she wouldn't have sex, maybe for you its you'd stop cursing people out yet, you keep failing !

Why? Because we all need Jesus and the holyspirits help in order to accomplish anything he ask us to do. Following the spirits leading, reading the word, praying and being around other believers are the intentional steps we take in order to promote our spiritual growth and do the right thing.

Now, it was only a year ago I was on the Steve Harvey show talking about why I am a virgin.
I took a vow at 13 and at 25 havn't changed my mind.. Listen to me, it's not easy. The older you get the more boundaries you need set for yourself and your partner in order to maintain your purity. If you ask God he will help you but you've got to do your part . It takes work but it's worth it. I've only lasted this long by Gods grace and the prayers of the righteous.
I want to be an example for others that God can keep you. People might judge you, talk about you and even pressure you about it but who cares. You're living your life for God and not for this world and the fickle people in it. You won't be giving an account to them judgment day , you will be giving it to God. I don't know about you but I want to go confidently and boldly to the throne of grace not timid and ashamed because I know I was doing wrong.

There are three things I want you to understand from this blog. One, do not judge.  We have no idea what's really going on in people's lives we just see outcomes and assume we know everything about them and how they got there. Don't do that.  Two, focus on your own life. What can you be approving upon? Instead of  scrutinizing others why not evaluate yourself and find a way to be a better. When you're better you inspire others and shine a  light in this evil world. Three, if God ask you to do something ask his holyspirit to help you and do it ! This race we run takes training. Train your flesh to submit to the holiness inside of you believer! !  Jesus didn't die for us to struggle our whole lives trying to please him. Once you accept Jesus you are pleasing to God spiritually so physically we need to get our actions to line up. Jesus gave us everything we need for good and godly living! It's possible to live right. YOU are capable of doing the right thing consistently.


Selah,
Gabby

Free

I've never been broken up with before. Normally, I end things before the guy gets the chance to end it with me. I normally see the signs my ship is sinking way before my boat is under water, so I dip before I drown. The first time it finally happened to me I was shocked. I didn't see the signs. What was I so focused on? lol. I was like wait, whoa, what?! You're ending it with me?  Do you know what I have to offer? They don't make them like me anymore, bruh. Then I went into my head and replayed everything that happened. I then got upset and thought to myself, I turned down so many men to remain focused on you. This is how you repay me?! Do you know how often I get hit on sir? Then after my angry conversation with myself, I started the sad conversation. Where did I go wrong? What did I do? Was I too saved, or was I too "worldly" for him? Was I overly confident and he couldn't handle it? Did he hate the others guy looking at me when we went out? Was I too forward or too shy, did I not say the right things? Then after all of my dramatics, I said "Lord, what's my lesson in this? Gee, another sob dating story and it comes right when I thought I had met a good one." I kept praying, "I have gone through all of the 'earthly' and 'fleshly' thoughts on why this happened to me ,and have found ZERO answers. So what does the precious Holy Spirit have to say about my mess?"

He said, "Baby, God's got it." I thought to myself, how?  I'm SO mad right now. I put myself out there and got burned again! Then he reminded me about how he put himself out there on the cross. He was the most vulnerable, the most sacrificial lover, and often times we take him for granted. He said, "My grace is sufficient for you... when you are weak then I am strong." He spoke to me about forgiveness, how we may love, give, and cherish someone and receive nothing in return. Our true reward isn't in the "human" return anyway, it's in God's repayment of our goods in this life and the next that supersedes any return a human could give. Yet, we can't get caught up in worrying about the return to our giving and not the simple act of just loving someone unconditionally. 

Yes, we all deserve to be reciprocated within relationships, but sometimes our partner will fail us. We can't get bent out of shape over flawed human beings. No one is perfect. People may not see the value in you that you see in yourself. Like our precious savior loves us despite our mess, we may have to love others beyond their mess as well. It could be numerous times too! The word says we may have to forgive 70 times 7! He isn't asking us to be anyone's doormat or their punching bag, but he does ask us to trust him to make sure we are taken care of. He will show us how to love, who should love us, and the way it should be shared between you and another person. We can not get bent out of shape over a person's negligence or poor decisions concerning how to love you. Human beings will let you down, but the father will NEVER fail you and always look out for you if you let him. He can lead that person to apologize or remove them in order to make room for the one who understands how to do it right. But it's not your job to make it happen. It's our job to trust him to make it happen :)

Mother Teresa once said, "People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, They may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway."


I just thought I'd share my Tuesday thoughts!:)

Love,
Gabby